you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
