Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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