im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
