I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
