i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
