Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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