so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
