i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
