no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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