my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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