AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
