you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
