i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
