i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
