I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
