some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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