my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
