I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
