At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
