What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
