I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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