yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
