Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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