Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
