I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
there is puke in my bra ... again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
