My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
