Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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