the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
