glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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