No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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