Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
