this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
