"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
