My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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