AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
