You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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