I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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