remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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