I need help removing her.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
