I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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