Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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