nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
