Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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