1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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