So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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