its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
