marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
