some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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