i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
