ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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