ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
