Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
