so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
