Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
